The American Dreamed

The Gift

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Here we are the lost and penniless begging on the corner of Madison Avenue and Mission Street promoting the answer to all the world’s troubles.

Jump on board our cause and the world will be a better place. We may not look like it, but we’ve got it all figured out. Can’t you see this by our calm, joyous demeanor and our peaceful glow as we sell you the way?

What’s that you say? You’re not sure that the free gift given should require you to pay us? Really? If you don’t pay us, how are we to afford sharing this free gift?

Perhaps, you’re missing the package that we’re offering? This gift is all about you, isn’t it? This gift is going to make you feel better which is the important thing, right? Aren’t your senses at all moved by this offering? How are you not emotionally drawn in and ready to buy this gift we’re selling? Don’t you realize that you’re lost and destined to further wandering without this gift?

Now, that’s better. For a contribution of $9.95, we’ll send you the rest of this special message that is all about helping you to be the person that you have always been meant to be.

What’s that you say? You see through the wrapper and wonder if we’re just selling you self-help that hasn’t worked before? Perhaps, you haven’t read our thesis and our theology. We are the truly brilliant minds who’ve figured out things about this free gift that others haven’t fully comprehended or recognized.

Perhaps, you should read the article where we took to task the distinct differences that we hold over the other competing “free” gift providers? Can’t you see this is where the true value of our offering lies? The free gift is great and all, but the real value here is the added stuff we’re throwing in for the price of only $9.95.

And, did I tell you that we’re constructing a new building at the corner of Main Street and Largesse Road? It is going to have a television station, stadium seating for 10,000, and a soup kitchen so that we can give back to the poor. As you can certainly see, it’s all about the mission. Now, will that be cash or credit card?

What’s that you say? You’re feeling a little jaded by this presentation? Perhaps, it is your lack of faith. There’s a sensing here that you may be a little retarded in your faith and understanding of the bigger picture. Thank the stars that we’ve had this opportunity to meet that we may help you to see this issue. How about this, why don’t you come down to the soup kitchen for a couple of weeks and serve the poor so that you can work out these reservations you’re having?

Wait. Don’t leave. At least take the “free” gift.

What’s that you say? You think it’s the “free” giver that’s the true gift. Does that even make sense? That’s impossibly unsustainable. That would be like feeding 5000 with a couple of loaves and a few fish. Do you live in the real world? How are we to pay the mortgage on the new building? How are we to pay the expenses of the mission in Africa? Come back here and take the “free” gift.

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