It was never meant to be about the “work”. Did I get lost somewhere along the way and somehow confuse the definitions of recreating, learning, and playing with scaling, closed-mindedness, and exhaustion? Where did I get sucked into the whirlpool of over consumerism-ing, over branding, and overworking over others?
I heard a story once about this acquaintance of a friend who loved golf. He loved to get outdoors, feel the breeze, hit the driver, and let the big dog eat. He loved it that is until he made golf his work. He decided to become a professional golfer and just a few years later he hated the game. He would get sick to his stomach when he smelled fresh cut bentgrass. He couldn’t hardly see a flagstick without getting the shakes.
Is this what happened to me? Did I love the flash and sparkle of consumerism-ing so much that I decided this is where I should work? Is that why I have such a distaste for it now? Or, is it that I hate the work to afford the consumerism-ing? Or, is it this newfound and very extreme light sensitivity to flash and sparkle? Or, is it a realization to the fact that everything that glitters is not gold?
Maybe, it is time to back paddle a little and just see if and where I may have missed the turn in the river? Something is pressing in the pen. Maybe, it is time to get out and share the RedRafts?