RedRafts / The Outerblue Projects

Journal – Day Forty-Nine

Still haven’t found what I’m looking for? Yet, what if the “what” that we are looking for is really the problem that we are seemingly always bemoaning? Rather than the problem being that we still haven’t found it, what if the problem is more a problem of what we are seeking? What if we aren’t finding because we aren’t looking for what is right in front of us?

Let’s say for example that you are searching for your keys. You are looking high and low and still the keys are nowhere to be found. You are getting kind of edgy at this point. You just have to find your keys or you are going to be late to that next appointment that you are just certain is the appointment that leads to your rendezvous with destiny. And yet, where the heck are the keys?

Still haven’t found what I’m looking for?

I found some crumbs under the couch cushions. Yuck! That’s not what I’m looking for. I found two birthday cards from three years back. That was really nice of them to still think of me even at this age. I found a pretty substantial amount of dog hair under the rug. How in the world do I continue to sweep dog hair under the rug?

Still haven’t found what I’m looking for?

Then it kind of hits you. I didn’t even have a couch to sit on twenty five years ago. And as for a rug? Wow, was a rug even an afterthought back then? A dog? Crumbs? Crumbs indicate there has been food in the house at some point. A house?

What is this sensation welling up? Is this that “gratitude” thing that I sometimes hear others mention? Is this what we were convening around last Thursday?

Honestly, I don’t go looking for this hardly ever. I’m not even certain that I go looking for this even on Thanksgiving.

Is this what I’m looking for that I can’t seem to find? That I can’t seem to find because I’m not really ever even looking for it? Is this the rendezvous? Can’t be it, can it?

Wait a second, no way! Did I just find the keys that I wasn’t looking for?

Wait another second, no way! The keys I did go in search of have been in my pocket all along?

You can’t make this stuffing up. Take another look around. What if what we should be looking for is right here in front of us?

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